Expats are a mixed bunch. Some are endlessly curious about their new surroundings, while others are so reclusive you barely know they’re there. Then there are the folk who appear to have moved overseas primarily to secure a cheaper bar stool, spending their afternoons drinking beer and smoking cigarettes as though their health will never catch up with them. Others are perfectly content doing much the same things they did back home, enjoying a morning coffee, a bit of gardening, some television and a quieter life. Each to their own.
For those approaching retirement, living overseas can open up some wonderful possibilities. Some people decide to relocate permanently, while others prefer to divide their time between their home country and somewhere abroad. I’m more inclined towards the latter. Apart from the possibility of reducing living costs and simplifying your lifestyle, there’s the opportunity to experience different cultures, meet interesting people and discover new ways of living. I find that being in unfamiliar surroundings keeps me curious, alert and mentally engaged. There’s something rather invigorating about having new places to explore and different things to learn, particularly at a stage of life when it would be easy to settle into familiar routines.
Even the word expat deserves a raised eyebrow. White Westerners are often called expatriates, while people from Africa or Asia are more likely to be labelled migrants, immigrants or simply foreigners. It’s not a universal rule, but race and social standing seem to influence who gets the more flattering description. Bizarre, isn’t it?
This article, I confess, is written mainly for Westerners considering life in countries where local incomes and living costs are generally lower than at home. I’ve spent a fair part of my life living overseas, and while that doesn’t make me an expert, it has taught me a few things.
My motivation for writing this came partly from reports of three expatriates being killed in recent months in the country where I’m currently staying. Understandably, these incidents have generated considerable discussion among the expat community about personal safety, whether foreigners are being targeted and whether it’s time to pack up and leave.
I don’t know the circumstances behind those deaths, and I’m certainly not suggesting the victims were responsible for what happened. But the discussions got me thinking about personal safety more broadly. Much of the conversation focuses on better security, safer accommodation or leaving the country altogether. These are legitimate considerations, but I wonder whether we sometimes overlook something more fundamental: the attitude we bring to living in someone else’s country.
Here are a few suggestions from my own experience. They’re not a comprehensive guide to living overseas, but rather some thoughts about respect, common sense and avoiding unnecessary difficulties.
Do a little homework, then listen
Before moving overseas, learn something about the country’s history, culture and traditions. You don’t need encyclopaedic knowledge, and even if you have it, I’d suggest being humble about it. The purpose isn’t to win the local pub quiz or impress people with how much you know about their country. It’s to have enough background to ask sensible questions, engage in conversations and better understand the society you’re living in.
More importantly, listen to local people. They know their country in ways you never will, regardless of how much reading you’ve done. Be curious without being condescending, and avoid making assumptions about people’s education, wealth or capabilities. You might be surprised how much you learn when you stop explaining and start listening.
Remember whose house you’re in
I think of living overseas as being in someone else’s house. Feeling welcome doesn’t give me permission to start rearranging the furniture. You may think things could be more efficient, the government could operate differently or public services could be better organised. You might even be right, but that doesn’t mean everyone needs your running commentary.
I’ve heard expatriates openly criticising everything from road construction to building standards and local work practices. Sometimes these conversations take place in bars or restaurants where the people listening may have family members working on those very projects, perhaps spending long days in difficult conditions to support their families. Meanwhile, someone enjoying a comfortable retirement is explaining how poorly everything is done.
My suggestion is to remember how fortunate you are to have a choice about where you live. For many Westerners, that choice comes from the opportunities, earnings and savings accumulated in their home country. Many people in the country you’ve moved to don’t have the same choices. It’s a bloody privilege, and occasionally keeping your opinions to yourself isn’t a bad idea.
That doesn’t mean accepting mistreatment or ignoring genuine problems. It simply means addressing them respectfully rather than delivering another lecture about how much better everything is back home.
See people, not stereotypes
I’m particularly wary of conversations beginning with “they’re all like that” or “you know what these people are like”. No, actually, I don’t. One person’s behaviour doesn’t explain an entire population, and generalisations about people’s honesty, intelligence or motivations are often little more than prejudice dressed up as experience.
I’ve heard people describe their partners as “my Filipino” or “my Thai girl”, as if describing a trophy or that their nationality were is defining characteristic. She, or he has a name, a personality, an education, a family and a life of her own. These kind of statements are short sighted and insensitive. Not surprisingly, many people who form relationships as expats draw negative attention. Quite often, people make extraordinary assumptions about the motivations, education and financial circumstances of people they have never met.
Enjoy the affordability without gloating
One of the more amusing things about expat life is watching people complain bitterly about their home country while enjoying a comfortable lifestyle funded by the income, pension or savings they accumulated there. They sometimes forget that their circumstances might have been very different had they been born in the country where they’re now enjoying retirement.
I’m also uncomfortable with the growing number of social media posts and videos celebrating just how cheaply someone can live in another country. There’s nothing wrong with travel blogging or sharing useful information about living costs. I do some of that myself. But there’s a difference between providing information and gloating about how little you pay for accommodation, food or services.
That wonderful restaurant meal you proudly announce cost next to nothing might represent several hours of work for the person serving it. Enjoy the affordability, by all means, but show a little sensitivity. And if you’re monetising your overseas experience through social media, respect people’s privacy and check the local rules about filming and earning income.
Choose your friendships carefully
The first people you meet overseas don’t necessarily have to become your lifelong friends. A familiar accent can be reassuring when you first arrive, but sharing a passport doesn’t guarantee compatibility.
Expats come from all walks of life and have very different reasons for being overseas. Some are running towards something, while others might be running away from something. Take your time getting to know people before becoming involved in their lives or commitments.
As I’ve grown older, I’ve become more selective about friendships. Not because I assume everyone has bad intentions, but because I value my time and prefer a smaller circle of people whose company I genuinely enjoy. I take the same approach with local friendships. Be friendly and generous where you can, but don’t make promises or establish financial commitments you cannot sustain.
Keep your judgement, pateince and your temper
I’ve witnessed expatriates becoming abusive towards local people over relatively minor issues, including traffic incidents, slow service or misunderstandings. I find it extraordinary that someone would choose to live in another country and then become angry because things aren’t done exactly as they are at home.
Patience is particularly important when you’re dealing with unfamiliar systems, languages and expectations. There may be perfectly understandable reasons why something works differently, even if they’re not immediately apparent to you. Losing your temper rarely improves the situation, and in an unfamiliar environment it can create difficulties you hadn’t anticipated.
A fair bit of expat socialising also involves alcohol. I’m not here to judge anyone’s drinking habits, but a few beers can loosen the tongue and encourage comments that are better left unsaid. You don’t always know who’s listening, particularly when discussing local people, politics or sensitive issues. Perhaps that makes me an old fuddy duddy, but I’d rather enjoy my evening without creating an unnecessary problem.
Don’t leave your healthy lifestyle at home
One thing I think is particularly important, especially for those of us getting older, is maintaining a healthy lifestyle. In Western countries we’re constantly reminded about the importance of exercise, diet, regular medical checks and looking after ourselves. Yet I’ve noticed that some people seem to abandon much of this when they move overseas, almost as though retirement in a warmer climate comes with an exemption from looking after your health.
I try to maintain the same habits overseas that I would in Australia. I go to the gym regularly, spend time in the ocean, don’t smoke and generally limit myself to around two beers a week. I’m not suggesting I’m a model of healthy living, but I do think it’s important to make an effort. After all, one of the attractions of living overseas is the opportunity to remain active, explore new places and enjoy different experiences. I’d rather be physically capable of doing those things than spend my retirement watching other people enjoy them.
There’s also a practical consideration. In some of the countries where I’ve lived, medical facilities and services aren’t always as accessible or comprehensive as those available in Australia. I make a point of having my regular medical checks when I return home, and I always have appropriate medical insurance when travelling overseas. For me, maintaining my health is partly about personal responsibility. I don’t want to create avoidable medical problems for myself or place unnecessary demands on health services that may already be stretched.
Live simply and have a Plan B
My preference is to live simply, maintain a relatively low profile and avoid drawing unnecessary attention to myself. Enjoy what you can afford, but there’s no need to advertise your wealth or make it a central feature of your identity.
Take sensible precautions with accommodation, personal security and health. Familiarise yourself with local laws, understand the medical services available and make sure your insurance is appropriate. Australians can find useful guidance through Smartraveller, although you should also check the requirements of the country where you’re staying.
I also like to have a Plan B. Keep your important documents accessible, maintain enough financial flexibility to leave if necessary and avoid arrangements that make you unnecessarily dependent on other people. Make sure someone knows how to contact your family if something happens to you. It’s surprising how easily people can disappear into their overseas lives without anyone back home knowing much about their circumstances.
A little respect goes a long way
None of this is intended to discourage anyone from living overseas. Quite the opposite. I think it can be a wonderful opportunity, particularly during retirement, when we finally have more freedom to decide how and where we spend our time. Whether that means relocating permanently or dividing your life between two countries, there’s something enormously rewarding about experiencing another culture beyond the confines of a holiday.
For me, living overseas keeps life interesting. There are new places to discover, different perspectives to consider and opportunities to learn things I might never have encountered had I remained comfortably settled at home. It also encourages me to simplify my life and think more carefully about what I actually need to be happy.
But I do think the way we conduct ourselves matters. A little humility, patience and consideration can help us avoid unnecessary conflict and develop better relationships with the people around us. None of these things guarantees our safety, of course, but they seem like sensible habits wherever we choose to live.
After all, we’re choosing to make a home in a place where other people’s lives were carrying on perfectly well before we arrived. We might be welcome guests, but we’re still guests, and I think that’s worth remembering.